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Votes
1
Ruining Jack Raydor's day
majorcrimestv.net
Provenza: "Captain, if I can ruin Jack Raydor's day, I promise you the pleasure will be all mine."
Votes
2
Bring your psychiatrist
majorcrimestv.net
Andy: "If I ask the Captain to come with me tomorrow, do you think she would take it the wrong way?"

Provenza: "Probably not. But if you have an extra ticket, who you should really bring along is your psychiatrist so he could ask you: what the hell are you thinking?!"
Votes
3
Depressing Andy
Sharon: "What's wrong with Andy? Is he depressed?

Provenza: "He’s not depressed. He's depressing.”
Votes
4
Eat a hot dog!
Provenza to Flynn: "You can't undo fifty years of treating your body like a science experiment with a cleanse. Do us all a favor. Eat a hot dog."
Votes
5
Call her Captain!
i94.photobucket.com

Andy: "Look, I never actually said to Nicole that Sharon and I were dating."

Provenza: "Well, if you would call her "captain" instead of "Sharon," maybe some of your problems would go away... Some of my aggravation, too."
Votes
6
Don't refreeze chicken or fish... or humans
Taylor: "Eternal Meadows says that now that Marcella has been thawed out she can never be frozen again."

Provenza: "It's the same with chicken or fish."
Votes
7
It's always the husband!
majorcrimestv.net
Provenza: "It's always the husband. It's always the husband. It's always the husband. "
Votes
8
Son of a ...
Provenza: "Son of a nutcracker!"
Votes
9
Captain Rulebook
parade.com
Provenza on Captain Sharon Raydor: "There's never been a rule she didn't follow."
Votes
10
First name? Lieutenant!
Rusty: "And your first name is Louie?"

Provenza: "Unless you outrank me, or I divorced you, my first name is Lieutenant."
Votes
11
Working for a hall monitor
ic.pics.livejournal.com
Sharon: "I was precisely following the law."

Provenza: "God, it's like working for a hall monitor every single day."
Votes
12
The Twitter
cdn.playbuzz.com
Provenza: "The Twitter and the Facebook and the Instagram."
Votes
13
Down the drain
i94.photobucket.com
Provenza: "After four wives and five divorces, down the drain is where I come to visit my money... and more than a few of my dreams."
Votes
14
Lawyers are evil
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net
Provenza: "How are we gonna get to the truth if we start involving lawyers?"
Votes
15
Shortcut to hell
tvgeektalk.com
Provenza: "If you're seeking a shortcut to Hell, my son, you've come to the right place. "
Votes
16
After five marriages...
Nicole: "I would invite everyone, but we only have so many tickets. "

Provenza: "Oh, no problem. After five marriages, I know "The Nutcracker" by heart. "
Votes
17
Staying positive
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com
Sanchez: “Anything wrong, señor?

Provenza: “Other than watching everything I care about being taken from me as I shuffle towards the grave, and having my breakfast interrupted by another murder? Not much.”

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