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Provenza: "Probably not. But if you have an extra ticket, who you should really bring along is your psychiatrist so he could ask you: what the hell are you thinking?!"
Provenza: "He’s not depressed. He's depressing.”
Andy: "Look, I never actually said to Nicole that Sharon and I were dating."
Provenza: "Well, if you would call her "captain" instead of "Sharon," maybe some of your problems would go away... Some of my aggravation, too."
Provenza: "It's the same with chicken or fish."
Provenza: "Unless you outrank me, or I divorced you, my first name is Lieutenant."
Provenza: "God, it's like working for a hall monitor every single day."
Provenza: "Oh, no problem. After five marriages, I know "The Nutcracker" by heart. "
Provenza: “Other than watching everything I care about being taken from me as I shuffle towards the grave, and having my breakfast interrupted by another murder? Not much.”